Cliffhanger ends. Hubert departs. We go on vacation. Black Guy Heads?

We began work on the farm the morning following our arrival. Work isn’t hard, but it’s tiring. Right now and for the next week, we are clearing brush under the chestnut trees to make them easier to collect once they fall. So we make piles and set them on fire. It’s the best!

The farm is run by Paul and his friend, Jean Mathieu. Paul is the marde. He’s like Batman without the issues, Superman without the cape, or a less green not-so-ragey Incredible Hulk, only, you know, French. Jean Mathieu is reticent and, frankly, a kind of scary French guy. He has two kids who are, at the time of this writing, acting like puppies and rocking out to Gregorian chant.

Luch on the first day of work was amazing. Lasagna with homemade bread, olive oil, the freshest tomatoes I’ve ever eaten, ham from the pig’s leg in the kitchen, and local cheese on figs picked earlier in the day. If I could choose between eating that meal again right now, or being punched in the face by celebrity chef, Wolfgang Puck, I’d choose the lunch. After lunch, we had chestnut liqour and a siesta…it’s hard being me.

Friday was Hubert’s (pronounced with a soft H and T) last night. Hubert was another WOOFer, a 60 year old Danish male nurse who lives on a 6 hectacre plot of farm land in Denmark. Hubert began dinner by announcing, as the wine was being poured, that he had never been drunk. Ohhhhh boy. My end of the table was like the premise for a culturally insensitive joke: an Italian, a Canadian, a Scot, a Dane, and an American. So what was the topic that united us? Fraser, our Scot, asked if we knew how to figure out our porn name (according to Fraser it is your first pets name and your mother’s maiden name, making my porn name Mindie Milsom). This got us going; the wine did the rest. Pretty soon we learned that Hubert’s porn name was ‘Lookie Hyning.’ Hubert kept repeating it, almost unintelligible through his laughter.

I thought porn names were middle name and street name (making mine Tyler Kingston, but our Canadien would be Kate State Route 55…so we went with Fraser’s format). We asked Hubert what his middle name was and he said, ‘Maria.’ We laughed of course. Why Maria, Kate asked. ‘When I was in circus’ he said in his ESL, ‘some time we…we do a…what do you call?’ He said something in German to Natalia, our German.
‘Performance,’ she replied.
‘Performance,’ Hubert repeated.
‘We do performance for the children. I wear woman’s spandex with…’ He is beginning to laugh uncontrollably. ‘With sequence and stars,’ he gestures a very low cut bust-line, now laughing and crying. ‘And white gloves,’ he blurts out through laughter, motioning that the gloves were elbow-length. Tears are now pouring down his face.
‘But why MARIA?’ Kates said.
‘Oh,’ said Hubert, regaining his composure, ‘I don’t know. It was a family name on my father’s side.’

In the morning we said goodbye to Hubert as he left for Denmark and we left for Isle Rousse, a coastal town in Corsica. For almost two hours, we wound through mountain roads not wide enough for two bicycles to pass one another comfortably. It was like Mario Kart without cool stuff like mushrooms, stars and lightning, and with car sickness in their place.

We spent all day in Isle Rousse swimming and lying on the beach. I befriended some dogs, ate Corsican-style mussels, forgot to weigh my fruit at the grocery store and swam naked.

One thing that I’m not sure is ok is the Corsican symbol: a bodiless Black Guy Head. Paul told me during the week that the Black Guy Head represents the invading Moor tribes from super long ago. Apparently, unlike the rest of human history, the white Corsican dudes totally put the hurt on some black dudes and then named baseball teams after them or something. And made the region’s symbol a conquered Black Guy Head. Not sure that’s ok.

Ok, until next time, thanks for reading, and thank you to Justin, Rebekah, Casey, Luke, Michael and Jordan for posting! Au revoir!


4 Responses to “Cliffhanger ends. Hubert departs. We go on vacation. Black Guy Heads?”

  1. Alex Says:

    Middle name + street name = soap opera name. Tyler Kingston, Thomas Kingston, etc. Loved the post! The part about you naked gave me a boner!

  2. Zack Brown Says:

    Ohhhhh. How did I not know that?? The soap opera thing, not the boner…I knew about the boner.

  3. Zane Says:

    Sid Dickson.I’m gonna be a star someday! You just watch!

  4. CobraDeathSkull Says:

    Sid Dickson sounds like the bad boy soap opera character. You cramjam all the female smokehouses, and some of the male ones, too. I’m afraid to ask what your porn name is. Dick Rapeson? That would mean your first pet was named Dick, which is odd. I guess not as odd as your mom’s maiden name being Rapeson.

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